|Pfannen-Geschnetzeltes|

There is a not-so-subtle message when an establishment hands you a fork with your sandwich without you asking for one. They’re saying, “see all this bread we’re giving you? See how huge it looks? It’s not enough. It has never been enough and never will be enough. This item is a charade, and without a plate, we pray you eat over the open ground. We should not be serving this as portable walking food but we like money.” Or something like that. Pfannen-Geschnetzeltes, literally translated as “pan sliced” is a German take on a sandwich you would get at a kebab, schwarma, or Greek gyro place. There’s thinly sliced meat, a medley of veggies, and a thick cream sauce all wrapped up in either a large roll or roll-wrap-hybrid similar to a pita.

Without hesitating, I took the biggest bite I could muster. Almost a week into the Great Month, I wanted to devour this sandwich. But, and we knew this would happen eventually, the bite left me cause for worry. Unfortunately, the following bites proved my initial fears warranted. This was it: the first bad food at the Weihnachtsmarkt. My heart was broken, my brain unaccepting, my tongue pissed off. How could this go wrong?

I struggled for a long time trying to pinpoint exactly what I was tasting. I knew it was familiar, but it was something I hadn’t felt for a very long time. A deep taste-memory was being tapped within me, bubbling up to the surface. Finally the revelation hit, and confusion followed. There was no more doubt. What I was tasting was this:

Yes, inexplicably, this sandwich of sliced meat tasted identical to good old fashioned American Tuna Helper. The reality is, I never hated Tuna helper. It wasn’t bad, but the only time I want to taste tuna helper is when I’ve seen it’s contents taken directly from that box with the smug smiling glove. Anywhere else, especially in a food without the titular tuna ingredient, and this taste is simply unwelcome. Separately, each ingredient in the Pfannen-Geschnetzeltes sounds pretty good, but for the first time, they didn’t have the quality I was expecting. The meat was okay, but the vegetables tasted as if they came from a canned stew while the sauce could have doubled as a sour cream and onion dip. The combination somehow, again, led to Tuna Helper. Making matters worse, this was easily the most expensive item at the Weihnachtsmarkt so far. But hey, at least they gave me a fork.

Pfannen-Geschnetzeltes Scores

Taste  🎄

 Price  🎄

Fullness  🎄🎄